im most likely going to be blogging more soon. its crazy how in a matter of months ill be on a plane back home. isnt it strang how one person can change your whole outlook on life. i remember when i first got to the philippines all i thought about was going back home. and now looking back four years later, im a bit devastated, afraid, and just a bit indifferent. how can one person and a routine make you change the things you want? if you think about it, it shouldnt. you should be living your life for you. idk where this blog is going. is it so bad to say that i dont want to be in love?
ugh im so done with school, who would of thought that 4th year was going to be hardest thing ever. why did i ever thing 4th year was going to be a cake walk?
uggh.. im so stressed out its ridiculous, im actually blogging that says something. on top of prelims this week i start my nmat review. nmat is actually the test to get into medicine. i dont even really know if i want to do it. thinking about all those years of school, and even at this point being a 4th year nursing student i think to myself like do i really want to do this like is this what i really want to do? or im i just going with the flow? is that even something i should be doing at this point. i mean i guess if you look at it im making a concious choice. im taking the review which means im choosing to take the test well atleast prepare for it and if i pass i guess its choosing to take medicine. uggh… prelims kicked my ass today, i feel like ive learned nothing when i read those questions and i was just going through the motions i wasnt even trying to really analyze i was just trying to finish. why does everything feel like a race? why is the stress only cathcing up to me now? its so crazy that i need a venti jolt just to get to class in the morning, that dosnt even compare to the endless amounts of caffine i consume through out the day. i feel like im just putting this weight on every one im not even contributing to society. idk, idk,fuck.